Wednesday, October 2, 2013


As a kid, I was often told that Pride was a bad thing. Being proud of yourself was somehow “bad.”
Growing up in a Christian household, I remember hearing “Pride cometh before the fall.” “Pride is one of the seven deadly sins.” I don't really remember being told, “I'm proud of you.” When I was in I think third or fourth grade, I won an award for academics. My Mom came to the assembly at school to see me receiving it, and that evening, Dad looked at it and said, quite simply, “Good for you. Keep it up.” Don't get me wrong, I know Mom is, and Dad was very proud of each of their children, but it just wasn't vocalized. Pride was seen as something ...is wrong the right word?

Is Pride a sin?

To me, there are a few different reasons to say no. First, as a humanist, I don't believe in the concept of sin, I believe in morality. To me, it's not morally wrong to have pride. Secondly, there are different types of pride. Pride in people around you, accomplishments, etc.
I look back at my life and realize that there is so much to take pride in, and wonder how anyone could say that the pride I have is sinful. I'm proud of all the usual things...I'm proud of my kids, and adults that they have turned out (or are turning out) to be. I'm proud of my friends, and what they've accomplished. I'm proud of my family, my siblings, their kids, and grandkids, and the people that they are.
But most of all, I'm proud of me. I've become someone I can take pride in. Someone who stands up for what I believe in, and is not afraid to be very vocal about it. Someone who took a lot of negativity, and turned it into strength. Someone filled with a lot of self hatred, and learned how to love myself.
Not too many years ago, Things took a serious downturn in my life. My second marriage had fallen apart, my Dad had just passed away, finances were not good, I was wrestling with my own identity...things were bleak. It honestly got to the point where I thought I had zero worth, as a person, and had no good reason to live. At that point, the only thing stopping me from ending my life was my kids. One evening, I was sitting at my laptop, on Facebook, having a fairly innocuous conversation with Lyndsay, the founder of Stop Teenage Suicide, A page that has since become Wipe Out Suicide. Without letting her know just how close I was to self destruction, I truly think she picked up on it. She let me know, in plain English, that I did indeed have worth, that I was meant to “DO something.” Someone, I had never met saw something in me, that until that moment, I didn't know was there. Literally, minutes later, I got a call from friends, inviting me over to their house for “a drink.” When I got there, they sat me down, and told me that they “had a feeling” that something was wrong, and that I needed friends to talk to. After a bottle of rum, about 10 hours of talking, crying, more than a bit of yelling, I finally came to realize that until I accepted me for me, I'd never dig my way out of the hole I was in. Thanks to these friends, I started on the road to liking myself, and eventually loving who I am.
Skip ahead four years, and here I am. A vocal advocate of human rights, vocal Humanist, and generally just a vocal person. And I'm proud of that. I recently had a conversation with my Mom, who is a somewhat staunch Christian, and she asked if I thought my Dad would be proud of what I stand for. My answer was that I wasn't sure he'd like what I stood up for, but I was sure he'd be proud of me for standing up and fighting for what I believe in. Voltaire put it best. “I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death your right to say it.”
I also take pride in the people I've invited into my life. The strength, inspiration, and hope that I've surrounded myself with. These people sustain me, on a daily basis. Sharon, Lyndsay, Rachel, Kel, Rob, Todd, Jase...the list goes on. I know that they have my back, and they know I have theirs. I'm so incredibly proud of them for the work they do, the lives they've touched, and in some cases, saved. The work I do with these people is, for me, not work. It's simply giving back to people that gave so much to me. People I can never truly repay.
In the same way, I don't believe that LGBT Pride is a bad thing. For so many years, the LGBT community has remained silent, usually out of fear. Then, in the U.S. came Stonewall, in Canada, we had the notorious Toronto bathhouse raids, and from these came the birth of the Pride movement. Now, most countries celebrate Pride in one form or another. To all my straight friends, don't believe what the media shows you. Pride Week is not 10 days of debauchery and nudity, it's a cultural festival. It's a way for the LGBT community to celebrate that it's far more accepted than it was before. Everything from concerts, dances, days in local parks for LGBT families, through seminars on issues that directly involve LGBT people. And yes...there's the parade, which not only highlights LGBT Pride, but also brings out straight allies. So yes, Pride in this situation is good.
So if Pride is a sin, then I'm a happy, prideful sinner. And I'm never going to stop having the Pride I do have. But, like I said, I don't see it that way.
Ken

P.S. This was definitely the hardest thing I've ever done. It's the first time I've sat and thought about, never mind writing it out, “that” part of my life. For the time it took to write this (about 6 really tough hours) I ran through the whole gamut of emotions that I went through back then. But...it's been very cathartic. And for that..I'm proud.
Ken
Credit for the graphic goes to Love Has No Gender.

2 comments:

  1. Good on you, Ken - I'm sending this to my kids, who have recently left home - you put it more articulately than I ever have :) x

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  2. Ken that was quite a journey you have made. Unlike you, I never struggled; I always knew who I was and was happy and comfortable with that, so your description of your own struggle was enlightening. I just wanted to write you and tell you: I am proud of you, for making the journey, for learning to love yourself, for giving back.

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